screw having a title

Wow, I can't believe that I haven't posted in such a long time! It feels like ages. So I guess I probably owe you guys an explanation on why I haven't posted in the last few days/weeks(?), or maybe I'm still trying to keep up with the fact that I'm in high school by having some evidence. So much has changed within the week, and I feel like my view on a lot of things has changed greatly since the start of this year.

Anyway, this is pretty what happened since I stopped posting on this blog because of how busy I have become.

My classes are A LOT of fun, and compared to high school we're doing a lot more hands-on stuff, and I guess that's kind of taken time to get used to, since in primary you pretty much had all the work you had to do laid out for you. But now, it feels like they want you to be responsible for what you do, they want you to actually learn how to do things by yourself. And for so many of us, that seems really, really, scary. Because when we think of something like that, we automatically just imagine having to build or do something impossible without being given a proper manual. I think it seems like that for a while, but then you realise that it's not impossible, and that it can be achieved.

In high school we're given goals, aspirations, opportunities that we didn't have before, and it's like a whole new world. To someone who hasn't gone to high school yet, you might think that it's the exact same as primary, but it's not. And how you choose to face this change, is your own choice.

We recently had been given two assignments in Literature, I had to do one of that just two days ago, and since it was like my first presentation thingy, I was SO nervous, but the was, it was a group project. And I HATE group projects. Firstly, because it's a group project. Second, because you have to rely on the other members of your group to do their part well, because if they don't, you WILL sink to the bottom like a boat with a hole in it. And thirdly, well, do I even have to any more?

The group I was in had two other boys, and they were the most horrid group members ever. One of them wasn't so bad, but the other one is what you could call the class clown. Except he's only really popular with the boys. And ugh, when you have two boys in your group, you know what it feels like to hit rock bottom. So since that had already happened to me, and I had already started whining on to my friends about my position, one of them stated that now the only way I'll be able to go is back up. I probably did, in a way. Instead of moping about, I actually took charge of this presentation since the other to made no effort whatsoever to help me.

But you know what? Turns out that I had still hadn't reached rock bottom, because this Monday, as I was casually sitting about without a care in the world, our teacher Mrs F says, "Oh, this week on Wednesday we will have a presentation conducted by (insert my name here) and (insert the other two boy's names in my group here), so I was just gobsmacked! Because I thought that there was another group in front of us, but it turns out that the VERY EXACT day I was sick last week (more on that later) the teacher in Lit changed the date for them because we were already running late in presentations. So, of course, I had to do all my presentation stuff in TWO days. And on Wednesday (yesterday) I gave the presentation.

And you know how it went?

HORRIBLE. I had organised some games and shizz to play, but the class wouldn't listen. Oh yeah, this is probably the time to tell you that assignment was that we had to teach the class about the subject that the teacher had picked for us. The class was just so noisy and uncooperative, and the other two boys in my group had absolutely NO IDEA on what to, and so I just had to do most of the things by MYSELF. And look, I know I'm being whiny, and ungrateful. I really do. But I don't really care if anyone reads this blog or not, because I created it for me. NOT YOU. Me.

So anyway, R and M (the two boys in my group) were like in the middle of the presentation kept on whispering stuff to me life, "So what are we gonna do know?", or, "Do we have to do this?" and I just wanted to rip of their heads and feed them to hungry gorillas. I'm serious. We were also running out of time, since it was nearly the end of the day and there were only like 5 minutes left. I was just like, "Screw this." And I just packed up all my stuff, took my bag and walked out of the classroom like a boss.

I wish.

I frantically tried to make up for the lost time, by handing out bonus lollies to the people who got answers right, and when the bell signalled the end of the day I was SO relieved. And then, a brilliant thought occurred to me. I watched everyone go out the door until there was no one left but me and teacher teacher and myself, and then I started talking to her, like really talking to her and explaining why we had done so bad. But for some weird reason, she actually said that we did good. And I'm like, haha, shut up.

Slowly, I began pouring the details out of what happened and how R and M didn't even assist me, and I wasn't lying or sucking up or dobbing or anything like that. I believe in justice, and if you have a bad grade given to you just because someone else didn't do their part, you shouldn't have to suffer because of that. Because if you did your part right, then don't get put down because of someone else's wrong doings.

Now, Mrs F (our lit teacher) and I are kind of close now, she even recommends me books, (she did so today as well, too), because she's a librarian as well, and she totally got what I was saying. Which, I have to admit, was pretty cool. And after talking with her and going home, I felt pretty good. But that was only for an hour. Soon, all the negative thoughts started to sneak their way back into my mind. It was like being a pessimist for a day, all I could think of was, "What if she gives me a B? Or even worse, a C?", and even, "Did she really think I did good?"

So then as I got ready for today, and I survived till Lit, class my heart started palpitating, and before I knew it, Mrs F handed me my grade. And, you will not believe what I got..

AN A!!! I WAS GIVEN AN A!! I was so happy, our overall group project grade was a B+, but hey, I was fine as long as I got an "A"!

So I came back from school feeling really happy with myself, and I just wondered, why do we get to worked up over little things such as grades? Does it really matter? But you know what? The question to that answer is different for so many people around the world, the trick is to know if you care or not, and why you do. But I guess sometimes it's not as easy as that, and that's when negative thoughts become become massive tornadoes inside your mind and start to work your body, mixing up everything you thought you knew. That's also how you get freaked out, because you're not used to it. And I sure as heck wasn't either.

But hey, that's how we grow up, right? I may be taking the slow lane, but I'm at least I'm enjoying it. Because along the way, as I become familiar with new things, I'm discovering stuff about myself that I never knew before. Such as, presentations don't really freak me out as long as know what I'm going to be doing, because then they actually make me feel at ease. Ha, who knew, right?