what will i be like in the future?

In today's post, as suggested by the title, I have decided to talk about some of my personal fears and questions about, well, the future.

I think that at least one point in our lives, we ask ourselves this very question, "What will I be like in the future?" In fact, it is this question that is capable of drawing out madness and insanity from anyone. Everyone has different reasons for asking this question, but not everyone wants to hear the answer. But there is always one key factor that drives us to wonder this over and over again; curiosity.

There are so many other questions about life itself that can make us feel helpless just thinking about them, such as, "What is the meaning of life?" or, "What happens after we die?". Perhaps it's the mere fear of thinking about these things that leads us to distract ourselves by doing things we know we'll regret.

For instance, I could really like a book this year, but who's to say that I will next year? What if my interests change, and I'm no longer the person I am at this current moment? It scares me to think even for a second that I won't enjoy doing the things I am now, and will become a completely different person. In the end, I know it's my choice whether or not I like something, but to think of another me a year from now, or even in ten years is like thinking of another person altogether. I know I've changed drastically from the person I was last year, but I'm happy with the changes. What if I'm not happy with myself next year?

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking about these questions. A lot. Even to the point where I envision myself as a different person, and wonder about whether or not I would approve of her one year from now. I kind of understand this feeling, because I associated it with the transition from 2014 to 2015. Everyone assumes that they'll have their life in check, they'll work on their resolutions, and just be a better person overall. But really, you're just waking up to a new day, that just happens to be in 2015. You're still the same person, you're still doing the same thing. So it's not like you suddenly just transformed into this person who has everything planned and in control, right?

So why is it, that even after knowing all this, I still continue to think about what I'll be like in the future? After all, it is up to me, right?

My goal for 2015 isn't to accomplish any resolutions (I didn't make one anyway) it's for it to be amazing, and I ain't gonna let nobody ruin this year for me.

Because you know that feeling when you don't do something, and then after much convincing you finally accomplish doing it, and how you immediately feel so happy you could burst, because you hung on, even though everything was telling you to let go?

That's what I want 2015 to be like. That's all. I just want to be happy.

 That's all life is. Breathing in, breathing out. The space between two breaths. 

...and I intend to make every moment of it count.